We ask each of our guests a simple yet profound question: "Whose life story from your own family would you most want to have documented on film?"
Today's guest: Bryn Monahan, family enterprise consultant and inheritor.
Bryn's pick: Her aunt Elaine from her mom's side.
Sound Bites - "She told herself a positive story instead of a negative story." - "She didn't let life get in the way of living." - "Elaine's impact: I want to make sure that I stay connected with my cousins and prioritize my family."
Summary Bryn Monahan shares the story of her aunt Elaine, a vibrant and resilient woman who overcame challenges and lived life to the fullest. Elaine was deaf and battled cancer, but she never let these obstacles define her. She was known for her extroverted personality, love of parties, and zest for life. Bryn admires Elaine's mental toughness and perseverance, and she strives to embody these qualities in her own life. Elaine's impact on Bryn's family and her close relationships with her cousins have inspired Bryn to prioritize family and stay connected with her loved ones. Bryn would love to capture Elaine's story and preserve her legacy for future generations.
About Bryn Bryn Monahan is a Family Enterprise Consultant. She's an expert in communication, leadership, and planning for the future of family enterprises. Bryn sits on the boards of Foster Holdings Inc. and FAM Legacy Solutions. Before that, she led a Family Investment Group called 5/4ths.
Bryn grew up in Houston, Texas and Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. As a kid, Bryn loved climbing trees, swimming and playing basketball - basically, she was always always on the move.
Takeaways
Don't let obstacles define you; choose a positive story for yourself.
Embrace life and live every moment to the fullest.
Prioritize family and stay connected with loved ones.
Preserve the stories and legacies of our loved ones for future generations.
Join Us Visit us at storykeep.com/podcast to learn more about how StoryKeep is preserving family histories. Subscribe on your favorite platform to catch new episodes released bi-weekly, available in both audio and video formats.
Join me, Jamie Yuenger, as we go on a journey of remembrance and discovery, celebrating the stories of those we cherish. Don’t miss our enriching journey—subscribe today and be part of "Who We Remember."
Credits Produced by Jamie Yuenger and Piet Hurkmans. Our show’s musical intro and outro is taken from the track “Thursday” by the independent artist Nick Takénobu Ogawa. You can listen and support his music on bandcamp here
We ask each of our guests a simple yet profound question: "Whose life story from your own family would you most want to have documented on film?"
Today's guest: Bryn Monahan, family enterprise consultant and inheritor.
Bryn's pick: Her aunt Elaine from her mom's side.
Sound Bites - "She told herself a positive story instead of a negative story." - "She didn't let life get in the way of living." - "Elaine's impact: I want to make sure that I stay connected with my cousins and prioritize my family."
Summary Bryn Monahan shares the story of her aunt Elaine, a vibrant and resilient woman who overcame challenges and lived life to the fullest. Elaine was deaf and battled cancer, but she never let these obstacles define her. She was known for her extroverted personality, love of parties, and zest for life. Bryn admires Elaine's mental toughness and perseverance, and she strives to embody these qualities in her own life. Elaine's impact on Bryn's family and her close relationships with her cousins have inspired Bryn to prioritize family and stay connected with her loved ones. Bryn would love to capture Elaine's story and preserve her legacy for future generations.
About Bryn Bryn Monahan is a Family Enterprise Consultant. She's an expert in communication, leadership, and planning for the future of family enterprises. Bryn sits on the boards of Foster Holdings Inc. and FAM Legacy Solutions. Before that, she led a Family Investment Group called 5/4ths.
Bryn grew up in Houston, Texas and Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. As a kid, Bryn loved climbing trees, swimming and playing basketball - basically, she was always always on the move.
Takeaways
Don't let obstacles define you; choose a positive story for yourself.
Embrace life and live every moment to the fullest.
Prioritize family and stay connected with loved ones.
Preserve the stories and legacies of our loved ones for future generations.
Join Us Visit us at storykeep.com/podcast to learn more about how StoryKeep is preserving family histories. Subscribe on your favorite platform to catch new episodes released bi-weekly, available in both audio and video formats.
Join me, Jamie Yuenger, as we go on a journey of remembrance and discovery, celebrating the stories of those we cherish. Don’t miss our enriching journey—subscribe today and be part of "Who We Remember."
Credits Produced by Jamie Yuenger and Piet Hurkmans. Our show’s musical intro and outro is taken from the track “Thursday” by the independent artist Nick Takénobu Ogawa. You can listen and support his music on bandcamp here
Speaker 1:
Hello, my name is Jamie Younger. Welcome to who we Remember, a podcast from StoryKeep. On this show I speak with a wide variety of guests about one family member's life story that they would love to have documented on film, whether that person is living or now dead. We explore their essence and share some of their incredible life stories and surprising histories. Most of us think too late about capturing the stories of our loved ones. These conversations on this show elevate honor and speak to one person's lasting influence. I promise that you will walk away feeling empowered, challenged and inspired anew to think about your own life and the impact that you want to make.
Speaker 1:
Today I am joined by Bryn Monahan. She is a distinguished family enterprise consultant. Her journey intertwines with the extraordinary life of her maternal aunt, elaine Hashimi. Bryn's aunt Elaine was born deaf in one ear. She was raised Jewish and later married a Muslim man from Afghanistan. Before we dive fully into Elaine's story, let me first introduce you to my guest, bryn. Bryn Monahan is a family enterprise consultant. She's an expert in communication, leadership and planning for the future of family enterprises. She sits on the boards of Foster Holdings Inc and Family Legacy Solutions. Before that, she led a family investment group called Four Fifths.
Speaker 1:
Bryn grew up in Houston and in Pittsburgh. She was, as a kid, just a mover and shaker. She loved to climb trees, swim, play basketball, anything she could to move her body, and she still does that today. I'm really looking forward to introducing you to Bryn and talking about this special relationship that she has with her Aunt Elaine. Let's dive in Brenna. I'm so happy to have this time to sit down with you and talk with you about your aunt Elaine. I'm excited to be here. Yeah, so just to start us off off, can you tell us about your aunt who she you know where on your family side she was, and also paint a picture for us of what, when you think of her. What was she doing? What was she saying? What scene would you find her in?
Speaker 2:
oh gosh, um, so my aunt elaine hashimi uh, elaine Kasowski I don't know her middle name, if her middle name was Kasowski, if she moved her maiden name to her middle name, but Kasowski is my mother's side of the family, so she is my mom's older sister. She's actually 10 years older than my mom, so pretty big age difference, but they were very close, I think, partially because my mom looked up to her older sister, but also because my mom felt protective of her sister. My aunt Elaine was completely deaf in one ear and mostly deaf in the other ear. Had was completely deaf in one ear and mostly deaf in the other ear and because of that, was treated as though she was different, as though she wasn't very smart. You know, kids made fun of her and I mean she couldn't hear it. But so my mom's relationship with my aunt is really, I think, why I was so captivated by her when she was living and unfortunately she passed away a couple of years ago, in 2021. But she, elaine, so she was born in January 1944 and lived until September 2021.
Speaker 2:
So she had, you know, a pretty long life and considering the very I mean you, the world threw everything at this woman. I mean, truly, she was, you know, practically deaf from, you know, very young age and she had cancer. She was one of the first people that I personally knew, maybe the first person that I really personally knew because I was so young when she was first diagnosed with cancer. She was diagnosed with breast cancer probably in her 40s, which means I would have been 10-ish in that age range and she was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer and metastatic breast cancer and not given very long to live and she managed to live quite a long time. So I think in and of itself that says a lot about a person. She was not willing to let the doctors tell her you know you aren't going to live very long. And again, you know this was a while back. This is probably in the maybe 80s or early 90s, which means she was not. You know the treatments then were very different from the treatments now and she really lived through a lot. Ultimately, cancer is unfortunately what ended up causing her passing. It had metastasized I mean honestly everywhere, but eventually to her brain and while she had had a number of tumors removed, eventually they just couldn't do any more.
Speaker 2:
But when I think of her I never think about cancer, even though it was sort of clear that she wasn't sort of well. You know, she wore one of those sleeves on her arm to help with her circulation. I don't know if you've ever seen them, but she always wore really fun colors and like matched her outfits and at one point we thought about giving her like a tattoo to like a fake tattoo to put over the sleeve. You know was obviously often very short from different bouts of chemo. But again, that's not really how I think of her.
Speaker 2:
She was, for her lack of hearing, etc. One of the most vibrant and really extroverted people I knew and always wanted to have people over to her house, always wanted to have, you know, a party. She there was never a bad excuse for a party and so, you know, I really just when I think of her, I think of her as being like the life of the party, walking around making sure you know people are talking. And you know she spoke directly to you because she couldn't hear you otherwise. She never learned sign language, so she really mostly lip read, which meant when she was talking to you she was talking to you.
Speaker 2:
She was with you. She was with you, she wasn't talking to anybody else. You weren't looking around. You had to look right at her and make sure that you were really articulating your words, and so that's sort of you know how I think of her. I guess is you know, being a little louder, being really clear about my speech, to be out of the know, I think, fear of missing out that FOMO, as we now call it. She was the original person that had FOMO. She wanted to do everything and be everywhere and do all the things.
Speaker 1:
Do you imagine that that was inspired because of her deafness, or do you imagine that that's just who she would have been anyway?
Speaker 2:
That's an excellent question. I think it's who she would have been anyways. To me it just I mean it's a hard thing to separate because you know she was she was deaf, but I think she would have wanted to be. She was the extrovert in the group. You know my mom is considerably more introverted. I think their brother, who's in between the two of them, is sort of he's probably leaned more extroverted also, but she really just she was like an oldest daughter. She just got this done. She wanted to be in it. I mean, as an oldest daughter I'm not exactly extroverted myself, but she just wanted to be there, wanted to be present, wanted to be with people.
Speaker 1:
She loved to be surrounded by other people. That's that really that definition of extroversion, of getting your energy from other people. That was for sure who she was, and I don't think that that would have been different. She grew up Jewish and ended up marrying a Muslim man from Afghanistan. Yeah, you know the story of that. I mean, I don't know if that seems like something that, had you had the chance to record her life story would have been key.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, so it's a really so I don't know the details and I think that this is one of the reasons that when you ask the question of whose life story would you want recorded, hers is the answer for me, because she was so interesting and she had so many things that were interesting about her life, and this being a really big one Tucson, arizona, so it may have been college, because I believe they both went to school in Tucson and the age that sounds about right. They got married in 1967. And they moved back to Afghanistan. I'm presuming that my uncle, shireen, her husband, had to go back to Afghanistan, had to or chose to. He came from a relatively large family himself and they moved there right after they got married. So she moved to Afghanistan, she moved to Afghanistan with him and they actually had their first child in Afghanistan very soon after they got married, which I also didn't know until I did a little bit more digging not married, which I also didn't know until I did a little bit more digging. So my oldest cousin was born in 1967 in Afghanistan. They didn't stay long, but they had made a pact, she and Shireen, he being Muslim and she growing up pretty Jewish.
Speaker 2:
My family was relatively observant on that side of the family. You know she grew up keeping kosher in the home, going to synagogue every weekend and you know nothing crazy, you know they, you know she wasn't like wearing you know wigs or long clothing or anything like that. They weren't Orthodox but they were pretty observant. And you know she married to my understanding, a relatively observant Muslim man, and so they made a pact that if they were living in Afghanistan that they would practice Islam and if they moved back to the United States that they would be Jewish. And that's exactly what they did.
Speaker 2:
They didn't live in Afghanistan for very long, maybe two years tops before. It just was not a great place to be living, although in the late 60s probably better than maybe any other time in history. But they moved back to the United States and settled in Phoenix, which is where she's from, and they became Jewish and they had a Jewish household. They, you know, were less observant than my grandparents were in the sense of not necessarily keeping kosher in their home, but they still. You know all the Jewish traditions, holidays, going to services. Their eldest son actually became an ultra-Orthodox Jew, and so you know very interesting sort of flow of of what happened across cultures yeah, yeah, um.
Speaker 2:
But I will say one thing I do know and I've always found this really interesting is that, um, when they were talking about it, what they realized is there are a lot of similarities between the two religions, um, like, for example, some of the food related things. So no pork group. That's consistent across both religions. How we deal with death is actually very consistent across both religions. In both religions, you bury your dead quickly, typically within 24 hours, 48 hours sort of at the most. And there are sort of other similarities which shouldn't come as a huge surprise, but I think for people that don't know that the similarities between being Muslim and being Jewish there's a lot of them.
Speaker 1:
Right, I think in many people's minds and, to be honest, in mine, that they would be so completely different. But yeah, those are pretty important parts of daily life and rites of passage and, yeah, very interesting. And they had three children together, three biological children yes, and then a fourth and an adopted son.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, um, so they had three children, um, yusef, who goes by yosef, uh, rachel and sadika, and um, their elaine's best friends had two children, um, and I think I'm getting this right that they were killed in a car accident. Um, and they had an older daughter who was over eight my aunt's best friend sorry, yes, my aunt's best friend and her husband. I believe they were killed in a car crash. What I do know is that they were both killed. I believe it was a car crash.
Speaker 2:
That part I may be wrong about but, I, know that they were both killed and the older daughter was over 18, the younger son was in high school age range I'm not exactly sure exactly how old he was, but they adopted him and he, you know, went on to become a doctor, but he had probably on the spectrum maybe some a little bit of a, some, some difficulties, especially at that time frame.
Speaker 2:
So, um, that was quite the addition. They didn't exactly make a ton of money and my aunt was an accountant, but mostly freelance, um, and my uncle, though, well educated, moving back to the states, being a muslim man, had a very hard time finding consistent work, um, so that was a a big ask, but they I mean it was never a question. At the same time, and that was kind of people that they were, that was certainly the kind of person she was. Um, so not even a question. And um, and yeah, and they raised michael, uh, from that time on, and they're michael's you know, and not that you wouldn't want everyone you know in your family's story recorded.
Speaker 1:
But I'm curious if it had to do with sort of her mental toughness or you know what makes her stand out for you and how has she actually kind of impacted your life or the way you want to live your life?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I think there are two reasons. One is certainly the mental toughness, and I'll talk about that in a minute, but I think the first is actually the impact she had on our family and on my mom and the um yeah, I guess it's. I would love to capture her story. I wish we had captured her story, her voice for my family, for my mom.
Speaker 2:
This is obviously going to be emotional, but because you know, she, they were so close and and they were so close and we want to be able to, like, tell her story and tell the story of all those things that she overcame, but also just have her voice, have her, you know, have that encapsulated somewhere. And we do have some videos here and there because of all those parties and things like that. But you know, I think I think that was part of why I thought of her first was this sense of what it could be for my family, not just for me, it was not just about me, it was about my family and and what she meant to them, what she meant to her daughters. I'm pretty close with my cousins and and you know just the way that they speak about her. You know it's for that that I thought capturing her felt right, and I can't really do that because I'm not her. In fact, they'd probably be better at it, but I think that's why she was top of my mind.
Speaker 2:
The other side of that is that part of the reason she's so important to me and to my family is certainly related to her mental toughness. I mean she was like not going to let anything put her down, can't hear you, doesn't matter, I'm going to figure it out. I mean she was one of the first people I knew that had a sort of like talk to text type of app for her computer because her phone would literally like plug into her computer Terrible technology back in the day. But you know she was one of the first people because she did. She was freelance so she did a lot of her work over the phone. She couldn't hear you.
Speaker 2:
So you know she had like cell phones were brilliant for her because they she could text people more quickly. It was really helpful. But she wasn't going to let any of that get her down and I think that sense of perseverance certainly is something that most of us could really use some of. So when you see that, and then you know, with the cancer element yeah, I mean that woman traveled even if she was super sick, so sick I mean she shouldn't have come to my wedding. She didn't even know it was a wedding and my wedding was a surprise wedding.
Speaker 1:
What did she think she was coming to?
Speaker 2:
An engagement party.
Speaker 1:
Okay, and it turned into a wedding.
Speaker 2:
Yes, and there she was. Wow, things get her down. And I think that sort of zest for life really was a big driver for her, maybe more so than the mental toughness. It was really just like wanting to live every moment and wanting to really just be, absorb the world and be a part of it and not let all these you know things that other people might call ailments or disabilities get her down. So I really have always admired that about her and, um, and that's how we remember her.
Speaker 1:
I mean it's, you know, just a super fun loving well then do you, can you pinpoint and maybe you can maybe you can't how her life and who she was impacted, who you've become, or the life that you're trying to lead or you are leading.
Speaker 2:
That's a good question also. So this is the sort of weird thing about me. So I'm not wearing any of my family jewelry right now, but I often do jewelry right now, but I often do, and when I wear pieces of jewelry from my family, I often feel their presence a little bit more and I don't really sort of I don't know how I feel about the afterlife and whatnot, but it's sort of like all right, like I'm putting you on, you know, like I'm putting you on, and I actually don't have any of Elaine's jewelry. But I tell you that because I feel like there's a way in which there are certain elements that I go through my life and I'm like, well, like it's like what would Elaine do? How would she? You know, what would she? What choice would she make? Like what? What would she say about? Like saying no to that thing that? You know I'm tired, but it seems really fun, you know.
Speaker 2:
But those kinds of things I think are ways that, um, that I think about her, um, the other way that I think she's impactful in my life, ongoing, is in the relationships that I have with my mom's side of the family, um, because I come from a business-owning family on my dad's side of the family, the shared economy puts us in closer contact than most families, and so it's easier for those relationships to go by the wayside in comparison. Connect in connection with my cousins, and particularly her daughters, who I'm pretty close with, but really you know that extended family and you know make sure that I'm spending that same time with that family and that, to me, is very important part of I'm sure she would really want that and I know that. I know that she would want that. She wants people to join together and come together. So that's, I think, where she's really impacted me is that sense of familiness and wanting to be with my family and prioritizing my family over pretty much anything. Yeah, not everybody does that.
Speaker 2:
Some people do Not at all, but I feel like I really do prioritize my family.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, do you have a sense of where that came from for her, what that sprang from? Was it her Jewish roots in some particular way? Or was that your mom's side of the family in general and your grandparents Well?
Speaker 2:
I think I'm very lucky that both sides of my family are very family oriented. That said, you know, and family comes first. But you know some families. You might see some cutoffs here or there. You know siblings that don't talk to each other. People choose not to talk to their parents. That is just not an option in my family and you'd really have to like murder. I think I'm not kidding, we don't do that in our family, it's just on either side. We really just don't do that. That said, I think for Elaine, the driver actually may have had to do a little bit with her deafness the driver to be around people that she felt close to.
Speaker 2:
So she, you know, family gatherings would sometimes include her closer friends because they sort of became a part of the family. And I think that that desire to be around people that welcomed her with open arms because she wasn't always welcomed with open arms and despite the fact that she seemed to sort of not care I don't think anybody can kind of go through life not caring that it feels like people don't want to be friends with you because of a disability or any other reason. So I think there's an element of her that she wanted to be with the people that she knew loved her, and so she wanted to be around the people she loved. Yeah, I think that was probably part of it. Yeah, that's a guess, but I think it's probably a good one.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, we won't. We don't know, since we can't ask her, but we'll extrapolate from her life.
Speaker 2:
Um, is there any other part of elaine's legacy that's in your mind and in your heart that you still feel like you haven't fully expressed, or you kind of like want to live out, or or um interpret that as you will um, you know, I think her love of travel and things like that, that I don't know that I necessarily would tie that specifically to her, but I do think that that sense of not letting things that might otherwise get in your way get in your way, whether that's related to where you're traveling, when you're traveling, how you're interacting with other people, interacting with other people, Just yeah, I mean, I think that sense of not letting life get in your way of living is really the most important.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and finally, if you had the chance to, talk to her again, what do you think you would say? I love you. I don't know, I would just give her a hug. I don't know, I would just give her a hug. I loved her hugs. She was a good hugger. You had to hug her on the right side because if you were going to talk while you were hugging she couldn't hear you. I don't know that I would want to say anything else. I was there when she died With my family, but kind of purposely left the room because I knew she was going to pass and made my dad come with me so that she could be with just her daughters and my mom Actually, all three of her kids were there and my mom and um. I didn't want to be in the room for that. I felt like that was for them. But I just want to give her a hug that's it.
Speaker 2:
It's hilarious lover, yeah.
Speaker 1:
Thank you. Thank you for sharing Elaine with me and with everyone who's listening and watching in. I think what I take from myself, from the story of her life, is whatever it is that you have that could be seen as a disability by others, or like within yourself, so maybe others don't even know about that. Um, it's, it's almost like she, she leveraged it instead of being held back by it and yeah, I'm really inspired.
Speaker 2:
By that yeah, yeah, she didn't let. She told herself a positive story instead of a negative story, and that's that is something for sure to live by. Is, um, that we get to choose the story we tell ourselves about our circumstances, and she told a positive one, and so can we. We can all do that. We can all tell a positive story.
Speaker 1:
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of who we Remember. You can see some great photos related to today's story, as well as find out more about our guests and their work. Just go to storykeepcom backslash podcast. Who we Remember is a production of StoryKeep.